


The You That I Like Best

by Mad_Birdy



Series: The Arcana College AU [2]
Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Fluff and Angst, Nonbinary Character, Other, with a little smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 06:41:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13945446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mad_Birdy/pseuds/Mad_Birdy
Summary: Birch and Asra are getting a little intimate in the bedroom, but there's something that's holding Birch back still.





	The You That I Like Best

**Author's Note:**

> uh so I was feeling dysphoric and decided to write this to help myself out, just needed some fluffy Asra telling me that he loved me no matter what my body looked like

Asra’s hand slipped down their body, tracing the dips and curves. He tended to linger on their breasts, curiosity plain on his face. Birch blushed. “Why do you keep touching them?” they asked, quietly, anxiously.

“Why not?” he asked in return, almost flippant, before looking at their face and seeing the storm of emotions. “Oh…” He looked surprised, then abashed. “You don’t like them. Of course.” His hand flitted down to rest on their waist as he leaned towards them on his elbow. “My apologies, Birch. I should have realized.”

“Julian said…” They paused, breath hitching a little as they struggled to keep the tears from their eyes. Asra wrapped his arm around their waist, pulling a little closer in comfort. “When Julian got here, he made an off-hand comment about how I looked different. I didn’t think anything of it, I just thought he meant my clothes and maybe my hair or eyes, but…” Their eyes locked with his as their last words came out a whisper. “My body is right, in your world, isn’t it?”

The weight of the question, with all its implications, sucked the air from Asra’s lungs, and he bowed his head, searching for the right thing to say among the floral pattern of the bedsheets.

“Asra?” Birch’s voice was soft, hesitant, _afraid_ , and it nearly broke his heart.

He looked up, catching their gaze again. “Your body… is what you made it.” His hand on their back traces patterns, sigils of peace and love and comfort.

Confusion furrowed their brow, made them tilt their head. “What do you mean?”

“What I mean, dearest, is that when I met you, you already had your scars.” His hand pulled away from their back to draw lines under their breasts. “I’ve never seen your breasts, which is why I was touching them. I was curious to know what you looked like before I knew you, but…” He smiled ruefully. “I should have expected your discomfort. You took the risk of using magic to remove them yourself for a reason.”

Birch bit their lip as they looked down to where Asra’s hand was now resting lightly just below their breasts. “That sounds like something I would do, if I had magic,” they said quietly. The expression on their face softened a little before they became self-conscious again. “See, the thing is… ugh, this is gonna sound stupid.”

“The way you feel about yourself is not stupid, my dear.”

“I just… everyone always likes them. All my previous partners, I mean. They all liked my breasts, and my ass and hips. All the things that make me curve and make my body look feminine, all my partners have loved them. And I thought, well, maybe, if I accept other people’s love for them, I’ll learn to be okay with them myself. Except that the opposite happened. I started hating them - and myself - even more.” They sighed. “I thought that if everyone liked them, then if I got rid of them, no one would like me. If I got the surgeries I wanted, _needed_ , then maybe no one would be attracted to me any more. Worse, maybe then I wouldn’t even really be authentically myself either. Maybe I’d become some unloveable, unrecognizable person who tried too hard to make themself look a certain way.” Their voice lowered, getting quieter with each word, until Asra was leaning close just to hear. “And now I’m afraid you like me better with breasts than without.”

“Oh, my love.” Asra’s voice cracked, filled with empathy for Birch, and he pulled them close, tucking their head under his chin. “My dear, sweet Birch.” He just held them like that for a moment, choosing to ignore the hot tears that fell on his throat. Then he pulled them gently back, his thumbs swiping over their eyelids to clear away the tears. “I’m so sorry that my curiosity caused you to doubt yourself, and caused you to fear for my love. The you that I like best…”

Birch’s breath hitched, eyes wide and desperate, clinging to his words.

“The you that I like best is the one that is comfortable in their body. Whatever that means for you, in whatever world. I see the way you slouch and hide here, in your hoodies and too-big t-shirts. It makes my heart ache, because I remember the way you used to dress for the masquerade. Sharp, tight cuts of fabric that accentuated the planes of your chest, and the flowing sleeves that let you have the flair you loved.” Asra smiled fondly. “Ultimately, though, Birch… the you that I _love_ is the you on the inside. I fell in love with the sassy, intelligent, clever person with a heart too big for their own good. No matter what you look like, or what your confident looks like, I will always love you. That’s a promise.”

“Asra…” Birch sounded awestruck, but still a little insecure.

“I know that it’s important to you that I be physically attracted to you as well as emotionally and mentally, so I want to reassure you that I do find you absolutely stunning-”

“Asra.” They’d gone straight from insecure to amused as they reached up to put two fingers against his lips. “Shush. I get it. Thank you.” The teasing smile on their lips didn’t do anything to lessen the sheer gratitude, relief, and love in their eyes, and Asra surged forward to kiss them deeply.

The kisses moved from Birch’s lips to their neck and throat, in a line down their sternum, to their belly and then down, down… They gasped and shuddered, blushing hard at the sounds of pleasure coming from them… and from Asra. _Fuck_.

**Author's Note:**

> please kudos if you liked!! or maybe comment?


End file.
